Well, here comes the zombie apocalypse...

So, being a little slow on the uptake at times, I have just gotten into the AMC series The Walking Dead. Like many other zombie shows it is riddled with gruesome death, intense chase scenes, heartbreaking loss, and exceptionally relieving moments of comedy. I watched the first episode with disdain when it initially came out, because it was really too intense for me. I couldn't deal with a man looking through the scope of his rifle and seeing his wife walking around as a dead cannibalistic predator. But I got over it.

I watched the first season as it was recapped before the premiere of season 2, and it just kept getting better and better. I am happy to say that I am completely up to date on the series and I cannot wait until the next episode this Sunday. So with that aside I want to stress that watching a zombie series has seriously warped me. I have always enjoyed a good "B" Zombie movie and George A. Romero is somewhat of a hero in my book of horror movie legends.

Before I dive into that, I would like to ask why in the world are the people in the series continually fixing a broken down Winnebago, when the entirety of automotive selection is available, abundant, and free. Can anyone help me with this? This is definitely one instance where Zombieland had the upper hand. Why are they not armed to the teeth? If you know that guns and loud noises draw zombies, why did it take until season 2 to arm people with some serious blades? I just don't get it... but I digress.

What has taken over my brain with a severe vengeance is the residual effect of watching, and being affected by, a tv series that revolves around death. I have acquired a sense of dread concerning my loved ones. Every time traffic slows down on my way to work I freak out and call my husband, sister, Mom, Dad, or best friend to make sure they're okay. It creates a genuine sense of dread, and I find myself daydreaming about horrible things. So all in all, I'm not entirely convinced that I made the best decision in diving into this series. Without taking into consideration my completely persuadable subconscious self, I have been devising a list of things I would do in the event of the zombie apocalypse.





So here it is, in true Halloween fashion, the to do list for the zombie apocalypse, Smurphtastic style:

1. Get access to the largest and newest hybrid crossover vehicle. The size will help with storage and the fuel efficiency will help to eliminate the need for constant refueling. The new factor will help eliminate the possibility of breaking down.
2. Obtain an arsenal of stabbing and slashing weapons. Also ranged weapons. Crossbows, rifles, handguns, hunting knives, etc. I'd like to thank D&D and my nerd days for a range of knowledge about various weaponry.
3. Load up on food and water, if possible have an entire SUV loaded with nothing but food rations and water.
4. In any spare moment should be spent practicing and learning how to effectively use said weapons.
5. Learn how to hot wire a car, never under estimate the power of your local library.
6. Locate and bring together as many of my friends and family as I can. Aside from my general care for them, each person has an imperative skill or ability that would keep us alive longer.
7. Once I and everyone I could get together are armed, equipped, and ready to move I would recommend that we go as far into the country as possible. I would want to find a place that is open, flat, and has a lot of visibility. Set up a perimeter alarm system and organize a watch schedule.

One of the biggest mistakes I think people make in zombie movies is either moving too much or not enough. People who continually look for 'safe havens' are inevitably going to or going through places where others are trying to get to. The more people there are, the more likely you will be surrounded by the infection or the infected. Stay away from others and you stand a better chance of keeping your group safe. If you stay in the same place too long, you get attached, comfortable, and lazy, and as we all know, in zombie planet... lazy = dead.

So what would you do in the event of a zombie apocalypse? Ever considered a plan of action? Either way, I hope it never happens. Even more, I hope that you have a safe, happy, and scare-tastic Halloween!

Response Required

Good.Mess! It is possible that the basis for the following rant is skewed due to the fact that I exist in a constant state of "go."  Nevertheless, I will rant anyway. Most people nowadays work on a system of instantaneous information and response. If you would like to see the newest music video from that super hot band you're obsessed with, you don't have to watch hours of MTV hoping it will come on. You go to youtube and watch it instantly. Declining an invitation doesn't even require direct contact anymore, you can just click "No" and BAM! awkwardness averted. E-mail isn't fast enough, we have to have IM programs, the cycle continues...

Believe it or not, I am not in opposition to these new-fangled-technologies. I absolutely love them. However, I have created an irreconcilable problem for myself. I operate under the exceptionally incorrect assumption that everyone else operates with the same response time that I do.  I am slowly learning from my mistake and realizing that patience is good, but nagging is better. When I have a question and reach out to someone for an answer, if I don't get a response I usually wait, and wait, and wait. This has really never produced good results for me. So, in the light of helping others I think I may have to change tactics.

I think I would prefer this as a response:
_________________________________
Dear Smurphtastic,

You are annoying me to death. I am working on your request please get your underwear out of a wad and wait a moment so I can assemble your response. Please reference the attached picture as an accurate depiction of how I imagine you.



Thank you,

Annoyed Person
__________________________________

I would probably laugh at that response, but honestly at least it is a form of communication. I would much rather be told to hold my horses than to open an inbox to the sound of crickets. I need to invent a mailbox that plays the sound of crickets when you open it and it is empty. Dibs on the patent, it's officially mine!!

From the message above I got two things:
1. I am not talking to the infinite depths of space and
2. There is a response happening, I don't have to wonder if I'm waiting on hope or action. (Action is always preferred.)

So readers, I ask you, do you expect unrealistic responses from people? How do you manage wondering if anything is happening, against worrying that you are annoying the crap out of people? Hence the magic creation of the "Got it" e-mail. C'est la vie I suppose, perhaps I will have grown up expectations one of these days :)

I hope you guys have a very productive and responsive week, hugs and kisses,

Mama Smurphtastic

Homage to Black and Blue

From Joni Mitchell's album "Blue"

Blue songs are like tattoos
You know I've been to sea before
Crown and anchor me
Or let me sail away

Music has played such an integral part in my life that I know for a fact I would not be the same person without it. When I was young I remember going to church and my favorite part of the service was always the hymns. I could close my eyes and hear the power behind the song and (not to get too personal or prophetic) I can honestly say it was the basis for my spirituality. Throughout high school that love ventured into more secular tastes, and I discovered modern poets and the fact that people can get paid obscene amounts of money for having absolutely no talent at all.

I have to agree with the initial sentiment in Joni's lyrics. Songs are like tattoos. They seep into your skin and stick with you, like a comforting friend when you're blue, a joyful companion when you are happy, and a counselor when you don't know which way to turn. Music is why I started playing the oboe in 8th grade and was involved in band for more than half of my life.

Don't worry, I don't plan on sounding all "lord of the rings" (as my husband would say) but I do want to take a moment and illuminate an artist I think deserves a pretty good glance, or listen as the case may be.

Homage to Black

The Man in Black. Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash was one of the most versatile artists in the business. He could sing gospel and people would buy it, he could sing a song about shooting a woman and people would buy it, he could remake songs by Nine Inch Nails, Depeche Mode, and Simon and Garfunkel and it went platinum. His range is something unmatched my any artist since, he is universally recognized, and dearly missed. Johnny Cash was no saint, this is true, but I think there is always something to be said for a man who tries to 'walk the line.' He is a great reminder that a person who gives effort can overcome anything by always trying to be better than they are. Adding humor and kindness can make a long-lived life an example to those who fight a constant struggle within themselves. Johnny Cash poured himself into his songs despite what judgement he might have received. He wrote songs, and performed songs written by others that (I believe) held meaning with him, especially later in life.

From "The Mercy Seat" written by Nick Cave, performed by Johnny Cash:

And the mercy seat is waiting
And I think my head is burning
And in a way I'm yearning
To be done with all this weighing of the truth.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
And anyway I told the truth
And I'm not afraid to die