This isn't going to be a side splitter... actually this may be one of the least humorous things I have ever written, because despite the coming holidays so many things seem to be more of a shock to the system than the relief of comfort and joy. This is more of a personal catharsis than anything else. I guess, in short, be warned.
Today I was having a pity party of epic proportions. I was frustrated at work with things I have no control over, I was being snippy with people who don't deserve it and was genuinely being a pain to be around or interact with... The odd thing was, I knew it too. I knew that I was being unreasonable and difficult, but still felt entitled to treat people poorly when I was the one who needed an attitude adjustment. Now, to those of you who know me, you may just write it off due to the fact that I am about 7 months pregnant. I think this is a poor excuse for bad behavior. So I refuse to dismiss my poor attitude as a "hormonal thing" and expect everyone to just forgive me while I blush and shrug away any genuine responsibility.
I was an all out fuss-atron-amus prime. My poor husband being the numero uno victim of collateral damage. Within about two hours I had yelled, given the silent treatment, and cried. (to which he just gave me a big hug and kiss on the head - needless to day, if I wasn't me, I'd be jealous of me)
But then, something terrible happened. I read the news..
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323297104578179271453737596.html
Just babies, killed at the hand of a man who will have to face the wrath of God himself to receive true justice. Families who have Christmas presents under the tree that will never be opened by the children who, just this morning, were daydreaming about what could be in that wrapping paper. Children traumatized by horrors they should never have had to see. Parents screaming in panic searching for their babies amidst chaos.
Then I felt a kick in my stomach, the kind that reminded me of my own child that I would be bringing into the world soon. The kind of kick that makes me smile every time I feel it. I know there is an entire range of emotions I could have felt, fear for my unborn child coming into a world like this, anger that the killer was dead and could never be forced to see the truth of what he did, depressed at the senselessness of it all... but ultimately, I was ashamed. Ashamed that it wasn't until the thoughts of such atrocity that I was snapped out of my self pity and wallowing. Ashamed that I had been so negative around my family, the people who care about me most, when there were so many others who would never see the ones they loved alive again.
So in light of this holiday season, I invite you to join me in trying to love past our own perception, to try very hard to change our own point of view to one of acceptance, kindness, and patience. Love and life are fleeting, so treasure them while they surround you. Letting go of anger, as a personal choice, is a luxury, not a missed opportunity to prove a point.
For the families affected by this tragedy, I will pray for you as fervently as I pray for the health and safety of my son. In the hopes that although healing will never be a true option, that peace will find your hearts and allow you to, one day, feel the calmness of quiet. Although I may never know your name, or hold you through your grief I care for you, in the most basic and honest of ways.
Sincerely,
SM
