I have always loved the country. Open spaces, fresh air, lots of animals, and an innate sense of childhood mischief and adventure. Who could say no to that? Necessity has dragged me out of my childhood haven and into a concrete jungle. At first it wasn’t so bad, the campus at UNT in Denton was open, and lovely, I couldn’t even drive to the school without passing pastures and such. Then I started working in Coppell with its perfectly mowed lawns and uptight suburban SUV’s. Now it’s Irving, and even though a far cry from Dallas, it is still enough city to make me wish I could work from home.
It is on that note that I would like to make a few statements about commuting from the small town of Haslet, to the great-medium- city of Las Colinas. Many of these comments will pertain to other areas, I am sure, but to those who drive in my vicinity – look out – or you may see your behaviors plastered on the walls of my inter-web soap box!
On the idea of Merging: Normally I would say this is a simple driving maneuver. At least it seems as such when my driving instructor went over it a little over a decade ago. Put on your turn signal, check your mirrors, check your blind spot, carefully merge into the desired lane, and turn off the turn signal. This apparently is more difficult than I originally had thought. It seems that if you want to come over, and I am in your way, well I had better move. How dare I!?!? Try to drive to work safely! BAH! I am so glad I have your subtle reminder - oh ye driver of a F-4000 to put me back in my place. I might have actually considered myself important for a second there! Thank goodness you were there to ‘squarsh that bug.’
On the idea of Reading: I would like to that most drivers will read warning signs, however I think that most drivers just consider them colorful road-side decorations. Signs are a wonderful thing. Signs that tell you your lane is ending give you warnings that there’s a flagger up ahead or even tell you where Wagner’s Meat store is “You can’t beat Wagner’s Meat!” (Seriously, that is a slogan and billboard somewhere in Louisiana, I have a picture). As long as it is in the vicinity of the road, read all you want to! Why some people are able to read a text, respond to it, and not kill themselves is a mystery to me. These same people however, cannot read a sign that tells them their lane ends, and so they try to cram in at the last second, while scoffing at the poor suckers who waited in line, not realizing that they are the source of the line in the first place. It’s rude, it’s inconsiderate, and don’t expect me to look shocked when you get all angry that I didn’t let you in.
On the idea of speeding I am by no means guiltless of speeding. I have upon occasion, and of my own free will, driven my car at a speedy 70+ in a clearly marked 60mph zone. Everyone does it. Not everyone realizes that there is a pattern to the speeders. The right lane is the slowest, and speed increases in lanes as you move farther left. If you’re in Dallas, be aware that all lanes are a free-for-all. This is why I hate driving in Dallas, aside from the death lane (which is where the fastest lane and the slowest lane merge completely together on 35E before you get to the exit for 45). People in the wrong lanes, according to the speed they are driving, will either be met with the grill of a semi taking up their entire rear-view mirror, or will get increasingly angry at having to take their lead foot off so as not to run over a poor grandmother in a little Honda. Synopsis: try to follow speed of the lanes, but also try not to endanger the lives of the oblivious.
On the idea of honking My absolute biggest pet peeve is when I am waiting to turn left across several lanes of traffic, and the person behind me honks because, in their expert opinion, I should have gone already. This only distracts me from looking at the road, to looking at them. While I could be negotiating my way out of their superior path, I am instead wishing I had a baseball bat to take to their headlights. I have several times turned around and very clearly mouthed “BACK OFF,” while staring them straight in the face. Honking is not an intimidation tool, it is meant for a warning. Like “Hey, I am in this lane, and you who didn’t merge correctly (see item 1), are about to run me off the road!” or “Would you please stop digging in your passenger floorboard and go through this light that has finally turned green?” Honking is very beneficial, but users beware, if used rudely you may just get the opposite reaction you expected.
Last but not least: On the idea of hypocrites Please be very careful which bumper stickers you put on your car. If you are going to advertise something, you might want to make sure you can live up to it. Here are some cases in point:
A black sedan cuts across two lanes of traffic to hit an exit, nearly running into three people, and causing another car to slam on its brakes. Her sign says “Baby on Board.”
A white commercial van merges into another lane without a turn-signal and causes another car to swerve into the next lane. His sign reads “How’s my driving?”
A semi-truck jets out into the road trying to turn left, but cannot make the turn quickly. He causes drivers in both directions to stop while he negotiates the turn. His sign reads “Safety is my Motto.”
A car pulls the wrong way on a one way road. Her sign reads, “Texas Alumni.”
A truck weaves in and out of traffic, traveling at speeds above common sense or general safety. He has a fish on his tail-bed door.
Consider the wise words of Smokey the Bear: “Only you can prevent forest fires.” To the drivers in the great Metroplex of North Texas I say this: “Only you can make yourself an idiot.” So bumper sticker or no, try to be safe out there and be warned… I am watching!
::insert evil laughter::
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